Listen, I’ll be the first to tell you this year’s communications interns for the Memphis Redbirds are not fighters. From our affinity for top-notch folk albums to our mutual appreciation of a good cardigan, Alex and I reek of unadulterated pacifism.

If there is a way to sidestep a squabble, believe me, most of the time we are going to do our best to find it.

Most of the time.

When you work in an environment as time intensive as this Redbirds internship is turning out to be, you better enjoy who you are working with because you are going to see a lot of them. We both thought we found each other tolerable at the very least, but the fact of the matter is there has been some bad blood boiling between us for some time now.

As some of you might know, Alex showed his true colors when he chose a failed shot at victory over friendship in the epic Hot Dog race of ’09 and from there it has been a typhoon of animosity.

I’m just going to say it: The man needs to get popped in the mouth.

In following with the long-brewing beef between Alex and me, I have decided that the only sensible method of solving things is through the implementation of a physical altercation.

Sure, the act of fighting someone else sounds relatively easy, but the fact is Alex and I know very little in regard to throwing down fisticuffs, which might serve as the least shocking thing you will read today considering we are in our mid-20s and weigh a combined 200 pounds.\

Our shortcomings as fighters make the Redbirds game on Saturday, August 1, all the more important. At the conclusion of their 6:05 p.m. outing against the Omaha Royals, the ‘Birds welcome Jerry “The King” Lawler and the rest of the gang from Memphis Wrestling as they bring their Redbirds Grand Slam to AutoZonePark.

Alex and I will be taking an educational approach to the talents of “The Mouth of the South” Jimmy Hart, Buff Bagwell and the legendary Hacksaw Jim Duggan when they appear at AZP, and will take what we have learned and use it to refine our own fighting skills, ultimately using them against each other.

I can’t decide whether or not to tell Alex about the upcoming bout. The sneak-attack is one of my bullet points.

Stay tuned to Chirp Chatter to see exactly when and where the tentative battle between Ben “The Texas Serpent” Spradling and Alex “The Blob” Wassel will take place. Don’t let that stop you from placing your preliminary bets. The odds out of Vegas favor neither of us.

Until then, make your way out to AZP for some Saturday night baseball and Memphis Wrestling.